Things you buy through our links may earn New York a commission. Daniels is referring to Toad, the vest-wearing mushroom man who, like most characters in the Mario universe, has played many different and vital roles over the years. The comparison, whether apt or not, is very funny. It is also the latest, and perhaps the most viscerally clear reminder of the way that the culture and practice of politics is, these days, trailing behind the culture and practices of the internet. For anyone coming at this simile as a close follower of the president, it can seem odd. For anyone who likes Mario games and uses the internet, it is the most normal thing in the world. Is an adult-film actress saying the president has a Toad-shaped dick funny? Or mourned Luigi being brutally murdered by death itself.
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By now, you're probably painfully aware of why Toad and Mario Kart have been trending on Twitter, but if you've somehow been spared the stomach-turning explanation, well, allow us to ruin your day: It's about Donald Trump's dick. Which, purportedly, looks a lot like Toad from Mario Kart. The world learned of this alleged phallic-fungal connection from an excerpt of Stormy Daniels's new memoir, which was published in the Guardian on Tuesday. As she tells it, the president's dong is "smaller than average," though "not freakishly small," and—you know what, we'll just leave the rest to the excerpt:. Like a toadstool…. Countless poor, innocent souls out there on the web thought Toad might just be trending because there was some new Nintendo game coming out, or because the internet suddenly remembered how much we all love the little guy.
Like a toadstool… I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart Donald J. It is simply a crime against Mushroomkind to compare any part of the creepy old man running our nation to poor little Captain Toad, however tempting. Please, leave Toad alone. Toad is a good boy. As seen in the hugely popular multiplayer titles on every Nintendo system since the N64, Toad is a mainstay of the high-octane, family-friendly Mario Party series, which is as apolitical as it is whimsical and charming.
You read that headline correctly - the 69th nice collectible in Paper Mario: The Origami King is based on Toad's giant dong. The collectible's phallic semblance was originally spotted over at Polygon a couple of days ago. At first you think, "surely that's not a giant schlong," but the evidence just refuses to stop piling up. At the end of the day, it's a Toad dick. And once you see it, you just can't unsee it, really. Image credit: Polygon. It's called the Desert Tower, and when you originally encounter it you'd never know that it is, in fact, irrefutably phallic. It looks like a normal building with a weird mushroom on top, as opposed to a huge Toad dick tower in the middle of nowhere. But then something happens. As soon as you open up the description of the item based on the Desert Tower, you're slapped right in the face by Toad's giant dong.
